Saturday, December 31, 2011

A New Year. Now What?

I’ve been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve been reviewing the year that was, and thinking a little about the year to come.

This time last year, I was in a very difficult place. Two days earlier I had been to hospital to have my tiny baby “removed”(for want of a better word) from my body, because his little heart had stopped, and he had died.

Despite the intense sadness I was feeling at the time, I did write this about the new year:

But 2011 is a new year, full of promise. I've made no resolutions, no plans. I just want to take it day by day and really appreciate and enjoy what I have in my life.”

So, now I can look back and take stock of 2011.

I didn’t make any plans, but had hoped, that somehow I could soften the blow of the miscarriage by having a successful pregnancy. Imagine my delight when I became pregnant again in April! I was thrilled, though very, very anxious, after the previous miscarriage. However, I felt that it couldn’t happen a second time. How naive (or just plain hopeful) I was. I lost our little boy at the same stage as the previous miscarriage at the end of June. It was pretty well 6 months to the day after my first miscarriage.

To say it, “rocked my world”, would be something of an understatement. Despite having experienced it before, I still had to get through the grief all over again, whilst I was still mourning the loss of Alfie. It was a really hard time. And it still isn’t easy.

Of course, whilst I dealt with that, life went on. My children grew. They were busy. I went back to work. My husband and I had our 21st wedding anniversary. Our eldest son returned home. Our second child left home. Time marched on, and life really did go on.

As per usual, my interest in health continued and spurred on by Sarah Wilson in her fabulous blog, I tried to give up sugar, and was mostly successful, though I am not 100% clean right now. I’ve also learnt much about grains and seeds and how they affect the body, and why a Paleo/Primal style diet is the best for the human body, and for my body. I’ve pretty well stuck to that, and will continue to do so. I have learnt so much, and enjoyed reading Nora Gedgaudas (Primal Body, Primal Mind ) and Louise Hay ( You Can Heal Your Life).

Physically, I fell well, but in my heart and mind, there’s so much more work to be done. And with that in mind, here are some of my New Year’s resolutions:

·      When I was pondering resolutions last night, the word “yield” popped into to my head. I think I will try to “yield” more this year. To be more flexible, to let things just happen, to give over control, and to trust.
·      I would like very much to integrate the Paleo lifestyle into my life, wholeheartedly,and, to get the whole family eating in a more Paleo friendly way.
·      Every year (almost), I say I will practice Yoga more often. I say this because I know it makes me feel better. It calms me, it turns on the happiness juices, and I always walk away from a class feeling taller and lighter. It’s been so difficult to make it a part of my daily routine, but, dammit, the time for excuses is over. Why would I make an excuse to NOT do something I love?
·      I’m going to ride my new bike often. I want to ride around Rottnest Island (in October)without puffing too much and feeling the burn in my muscles. It is time I became bike fit!
·      I’m going back to work for three days a week. I’m excited about going back. Mostly my job is fun. But I worry about how it will affect us as a family. So I resolve to do whatever it takes to make the transition easy, and to make sure that my workload doesn’t double.
·      But, mostly, mostly…I just want to accept. I want to accept that I can’t make all the decisions about what happens to me. That I can’t control some of the things that happen, and that I cannot always get what I want, which goes quite nicely with my first resolution.
·      And, lastly, I won’t beat myself up if I get to December 31st, 2012, and haven’t been able to uphold all my resolutions. I recall, many, many years ago, resolving to give up smoking. I don’t think I did it that year, but I did eventually, so these things have a way of sorting themselves out…See – already I’m yielding, and, accepting

Happy New Year!

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