How to do it?

How do we do it - working, mothering,partnering- without losing our "selves" along the way?

My question comes from a place I've found myself in - a place I don't want to be in- but, nonetheless, I am.

I knew it wouldn't be easy to go back to work again, to three days a week, but I had hoped I would be able to juggle it, along with all the other roles I have, in an elegant fashion.

But, here I am, fumbling, dropping the balls, grasping desperately to pick them all up again...

Things coast along reasonably well when we get into a routine, when I stick to the "plan", but when events conspire against me, everything tumbles.

This past week has been difficult, and I feel exhausted. It is noone's fault. It is just how life can be.

The week started with Lily feeling sick. She is our most available and able, willing babysitter. With her out of action, the rest of us have to do a little more to keep our littlest one occupied.

Then both Freya and Charlie had colds. That meant more tiredness and misery.

I too fell down with the dreaded lurgy. Only I soldiered on, kept working, kept mothering, kept house-wifing.

Then Mike went away overnight on Friday and came home Saturday afternoon, sleep deprived and suffering from a terrible toothache. His toothache had him out of action all weekend, doped up on painkillers and feeling awful.

Then Freya got something in her eye, it was swollen and sore, and she really wasn't up to doing very much.

Add to this netball trials, grocery shopping, after school tutoring (I'm the tutor, and I finish at 5.15pm, twice a week), meals to be cooked, laundry and general mess and mayhem caused by a three year old.

I find my brow furrowed. I have to tell myself to stop frowning. I feel stressed. Getting dressed for work is so, damned hard...could I please just wear my sweatpants??? I fall into my chair at the end of a long day and fall asleep at 8pm. I can't find time to exercise, let alone meditate....

This morning my darling husband noted that, because I get up at 6 a.m, and he sleeps on til 7, that I should use that extra hour to get ready for work, so that the hour from 7 - 8 a.m (when we leave the house) won't be so stressful...I don't think he saw the irony in it at all- that hour is the only one that I get where I don't do anything much, other than drink a cup of tea, read my favourite blogs and forums.

When am I supposed to have some time to myself? How do you juggle it all? Any suggestions?

I'd love to be a stay at home mum, as I was the last three years, but I can't keep that up. The mortgage needs to be paid, and the children like to be fed. I also don't want to lose my permanent position at the school.

So, what I need is is useful, helpful ideas. Some family support would be nice, but that is sadly lacking.

Soldiering on.....

Deviating...off course...and feeling the consequences.

 We had Lily's birthday this week, so there had to be cake. It was Gluten free, but still cake, grains and sugar and all, so not really Paleo. It was delicious, and we all enjoyed it. I did feel very tired the next day. But that may be due to going back to work three days a week.

Then, yesterday, I made a huge batch of mini meringues, for my friend's 50th party (which is on tonight). They were a great success. I made vanilla, coffee and chocolate meringues. Of course, I had to sample each flavour, and then have only one more, then another, then another...Oh no, that sugar just had me gasping for more. Not good! They tasted lovely though.

However, deviating off the Paleo road wasn't a great idea. I was feeling tired anyway, probably from working, however, I spent the afternoon feeling quite fatigued, and ended up with a headache which I needed painkillers for. Now I've woken with a sugar-hangover. My head hurts and I still feel tired after a full night's sleep.

Was it worth it? No, not really. I'm annoyed at myself for slipping. Especially as I had weighed myself that morning and was so pleased that I'd lost some more weight.  What's worse is that I feel lousy today, and we have a party to go to tonight. I'll need an afternoon nap, I think. But I won't beat myself up about it. There's no point. Instead, I shall learn from my mistake, and will be staying away from the dessert table tonight. Instead, I want to indulge in a couple of glasses of champagne. I think it is an auspicious occasion which deserves toasting (my lovey friend, Carolyn's, 50th birthday.)

Other than this slip-up, I think the Paleo way of eating is becoming second nature. I do really like that I feel healthy and energetic on it. I also like that my clothes feel loose, and my tummy isn't bloated anymore. It's worth the sacrifices to feel good.