Tuesday, February 28, 2012
How to do it?
My question comes from a place I've found myself in - a place I don't want to be in- but, nonetheless, I am.
I knew it wouldn't be easy to go back to work again, to three days a week, but I had hoped I would be able to juggle it, along with all the other roles I have, in an elegant fashion.
But, here I am, fumbling, dropping the balls, grasping desperately to pick them all up again...
Things coast along reasonably well when we get into a routine, when I stick to the "plan", but when events conspire against me, everything tumbles.
This past week has been difficult, and I feel exhausted. It is noone's fault. It is just how life can be.
The week started with Lily feeling sick. She is our most available and able, willing babysitter. With her out of action, the rest of us have to do a little more to keep our littlest one occupied.
Then both Freya and Charlie had colds. That meant more tiredness and misery.
I too fell down with the dreaded lurgy. Only I soldiered on, kept working, kept mothering, kept house-wifing.
Then Mike went away overnight on Friday and came home Saturday afternoon, sleep deprived and suffering from a terrible toothache. His toothache had him out of action all weekend, doped up on painkillers and feeling awful.
Then Freya got something in her eye, it was swollen and sore, and she really wasn't up to doing very much.
Add to this netball trials, grocery shopping, after school tutoring (I'm the tutor, and I finish at 5.15pm, twice a week), meals to be cooked, laundry and general mess and mayhem caused by a three year old.
I find my brow furrowed. I have to tell myself to stop frowning. I feel stressed. Getting dressed for work is so, damned hard...could I please just wear my sweatpants??? I fall into my chair at the end of a long day and fall asleep at 8pm. I can't find time to exercise, let alone meditate....
This morning my darling husband noted that, because I get up at 6 a.m, and he sleeps on til 7, that I should use that extra hour to get ready for work, so that the hour from 7 - 8 a.m (when we leave the house) won't be so stressful...I don't think he saw the irony in it at all- that hour is the only one that I get where I don't do anything much, other than drink a cup of tea, read my favourite blogs and forums.
When am I supposed to have some time to myself? How do you juggle it all? Any suggestions?
I'd love to be a stay at home mum, as I was the last three years, but I can't keep that up. The mortgage needs to be paid, and the children like to be fed. I also don't want to lose my permanent position at the school.
So, what I need is is useful, helpful ideas. Some family support would be nice, but that is sadly lacking.