Feeling Conflicted

Despite doing exactly what I want to do : being a stay at home mum, having five kids,living in our little piece of paradise, I still have times when I feel 'conflicted' about what I am doing.

What am I talking about?Well, I sometimes wonder how my life would be had we stopped at three kids. Our third child is now 12. It would make for a pretty cruisey lifestyle. Financially things would be easier. Mike and I could be planning great trips and travels. Instead, I feel like I am not getting enough sleep to function properly, I am stressing about vaccination,and not sure how we'll keep paying the bills while our block isn't selling!

Having said that,I wouldn't want my life without my children - it is really a momentary lapse of loving the life I am leading.Perfectly normal right?

On to nicer thoughts.....I still believe that somehow, Mike and I will be able to travel overseas and see many wonderful places before we die. We are talking with our friends about hiring or buying a barge in France to travel on the canals for three months. Sounds great doesn't it?I like the idea of the slow pace. Michael and I have long service leave coming up, mine (the first time ever!!) in 2012, his in 2013 (his third time), so that might be when we'll do it. It means we'll have to bring three kids with us. I don't mind bringing them, I just worry about the expense, but I think you could live pretty cheaply on the barge, picking up your supplies at the nearest village, riding your bicycles to the nearest village...bliss.

Here is my list of places to visit before I die:

• France


• Italy


• Greece (particularly the islands)


• Britain


• Scotland


• Ireland


• Wales


• Spain


• Sweden


• Norway


• the Caribbean


• Alaska


• The East coast of Canada


• New Zealand again especially Milford Sound)


• South America (Chile,Peru,Argentina)


• Nepal and Tibet


• And probably many others!